The problem is that I know too many marriages where the man was alone the whole time. He never had a wife, a helper, or any other kind of companion in his spouse. He only had a roommate that he had to pay for—and that’s before the divorces. If marriage is good for men—and I believe that it ideally is—I’ve yet to see it be so. Maybe there are still marriages like the ones you’ve described. There will be no hope for us otherwise if they’re all gone.
I’m so sorry that’s been your experience. It’s heartbreaking. I only hope to show that there are still wonderful marriages out there and love is worth believing in.
Thank you for the sympathetic words. It seems that too many these days just want to shovel blame onto people who are only trying their best in a hard and uncaring world. It says a lot that you’re willing to listen.
There absolutely are, but with the divorce rate what it is a lot of us don't want to take the chance. We can lose a lot of our money and if we have kids, we often wind up rarely seeing them and having the ex-wife get them to hate us.
I really wanted to be convinced by your article.. but the behavior and mindset your mother exemplified is simply non existent in modern women. Yes married men might live longer, have a higher net worth, blah blah blah. But what you see through the numbers and statistics is different from the lived experience of most modern men. It's not that men don't want to get married, we would rather not be divorced and used up as a resource. I'm sorry but your argument and words do very little in convincing young successful men to get hitched.
You would be surprised how many modern people in the world are exactly like men and women have always been. Unfortunately self-interest has become much more of a driving force for people but there still are people who would make any sacrifice for their loved ones.
Saw your qrt on X and came here. It warms my heart to see people still see the benefits and importance of marriage in this day and age. I'm 23 and I love marriage so much. I wouldn't say I have the best model of a good one in my parents but my I want what my aunt and my uncle have. Even better.
However, I'm scared that the phobia for marriage will only get worse amongst people of my generation. I hear and things from young people that show their lack of faith in this sacred institution.
Marriage isn't just about the couple involved. It's about forging something strong and pure, although imperfect. It's about creating, service and legacy. It's about fostering a generation that will in the long run benefit the society, if done right.
Such a beautiful post that highlights that marriage provides the safety for women to pour into men in a deeply intimate way. The fruits of the spirit were just oozing from your mother. The love, peace, faith and long suffering. Men are deserving and in need of being loved in this way. Marriage like motherhood is what allows women to expand and pour into others in this way.
I'll be forthright, and I know this will be received poorly: I'm 25 and I have no faith in what 'love' allegedly is and what description that happens to entail, mostly because I have little faith in people. No, I did not have good examples growing up, and obviously not from the internet, but I take these experiences as authoritative because of just how often they're vindicated or proven right. A simple understanding and acknowledgement of sin would wipe out the vast majority of both the public and even psychology's understanding of whatever they want to convince themselves 'love' is to the point where the obsessions with The Handmaid's Tale and crying slavery would reach overdrive, but we already know that.
Trust? Faith? Love? In that I see a nightmare worse than I come up with in a year. Imagine being so close to a person when we already know the human heart is evil (Jeremiah 17:9; Matthew 15:18-18), assuming they're not just lying or totally lacking self-awareness to begin with. On a hedonistic level, I'd be better off committing suicide, but the existence of Hell prevents that.
So I, and those like me, am left at the crossroads between a replacement-level fertility crisis and having to endure the biggest, most isolating, most humanly and materially-draining burden in human history. I dreamed of love in my lesser years. Hate has a much stronger cause.
Am I wrong? I sometimes hope so. I admit that learning about all of what sums up the majority of people seriously affected me over my growing years. Scripture could be invoked to me about 'love,' but I could reply in kind with Scriptures rightly forbidding similarly inclined sins. Man is not meant to be alone? Were it not for the first 'relationship,' the Fall of Man may not have happened. Make "sex" as special as you like; it comprises so much horror, criminal behavior (and motivations thereof), and social normalization of subhumanizing standards of coolness and achievement that I don't think there's a way to rationalize it as being anything more than an enforcement of flaw onto man.
Most people would insist on me 'missing something'--I've been called mentally ill for it before and likely will be again-- but I haven't to this point gotten any answer that wasn't some meatheaded attempt at socially shaming me because "seggs = kewl" (which is basically all the public and even academia are capable of due to their crippling political hang-ups) or an answer that's entirely abstract in faith, which is technically correct but also just returns me to the fact that faith is conflicting with the practicalities of life.
If anyone who sees this can give a good counterpunch or prove me wrong, by all means do so.
I can't speak for others I only know that my husband married me because he wanted to live with me and he decided on that with no delay. I wouldn't have moved in with him otherwise. To my knowledge in 13 years of marriage he never regretted the decision. :-)
I believe if a man finds someone they really want to be with they marry her. Of course in a lot of cases women move in together anyway so there's no incentive anymore. Sometimes the man will marry them anyway and sometimes it takes a lot of effort from the woman.
I have read a book called Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others by John T Molloy. It was very useful for me at the time I can highly recommend it, especially if someone is in the very frustrating situation where the man they are with wouldn't hear of marriage.
My favorite line was about how the wife reminds the man (or makes him remember, even better) who he is. Sometimes it's not just who we are, but who we can be that our wives help us with.
My wife always believed I was worth more than I was paid in all my jobs, and in fact I raised and raised in several careers, also if not especially thanks to her belief in me.
Lonely men might scoff at this if they're particularly sure of themselves, but the truth is the love of a woman can only improve a man's motivation and confidence, which in turn will only bring better results in careers of all kinds, including starting a business, which will be my next step, again in big part thanks to a wife that believes in me, that will see any expense I make as investment in the future.
Of course, I sacrifice a lot, but that's honestly so easy for me. I don't understand nor approve men who count what they did for themselves VS for their woman. I don't need absolutely anything but the happiness of my family, and I don't believe myself to be special, so any men can think this way. It's another kind of investment: buying happiness, long term. As men, we shouldn't have but the most basic material needs. The rest is for building a family and a future for it.
And this purpose, this clarity, is also thanks to marriage and kids.
10 years married this year, and never stronger than now. :)
This is a bunch of emotional claptrap which will, if heeded, put men in a position of vulnerability to people who don’t value them. It says right in the essay that women don’t need men materially, and that means we are judging each other on our value as pure companionship. You want to be serious about this, you give men protection in the face of expropriation.
But you’re not serious. You’re manipulating, and you can do it because uterus. I’d rather die alone.
Marriage is still good for RELIGIOUS men. Luckily for me, I am. 26 years and counting. To a TRADITIONAL woman; one in a billion.
Young men today? Likely need a passport to find a traditional woman. It’s worth doing, gentlemen.
Feminism gave modern women the wheel, and they drove into a wall. They now typically lose their virginity at age 16, abuse drugs, alcohol, and sleep around with a parade of losers, not looking for a husband until their age 30. They even think it’s trendy now to be suffering “trauma“ and “on their healing journey.“
In other words, they’re not a fraction the lady their grandmother was. They’re loaded with debt, on anxiety and anti depression meds, and have over a decade of baggage and red flags in tow.
The problem is, their mothers didn’t teach them how to be a wife. They are often entitled, demanding, argumentative, masculine, egotistical, etc.
they talked today about “unpaid labor” as if regular adult family life should be paid for somehow.
Lastly, modern women have more loyalty to their cell phone carrier than they do to their husband. It’s even become a TikTok trend, (and women love trends), two divorce their husbands, “even if he’s the good guy.“ you’ll see armies of women on YouTube and TikTok today saying they left their family behind because they had to “pursue their happiness” which actually means in another man’s bed, dialing up casual sex on the dating apps, and leaving the church behind. The courts reward them with cash and prizes for destroying their marriages. They get custody even if they cheated or are drug abusers above a perfectly functional father who can provide a better lifestyle.
So what’s not to want? Guys see the picture clearly. Western women are (mostly) broke. Busted. Bad investment. #GetYourPassport
Straight guys are going to start to get gay married, just wait and see. If you really want companionship, support and commitment even when you're at your lowest, marry a man.
Signing the paper is just supplementary. Marriage is a covenant. The man and his wife pledge to stay together even when they want to separate. The boyfriend/girlfriend do not do the same. Marriage is a promise made with witnesses: the Pastor (who represents God's presence), the government (the paper you mentioned), your family, friends, and others. There is great value in staying together until death, and I have yet to hear of a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship in which they walk in love till the end.
I also have yet to experience this myself. I am 23. However, I have a good relationship with both of my parents, and they have been married for 27 years. They talk a lot about their marriage to me. They fought a lot, but it never drove them apart. Mom tells me that God's Word, the Holy Bible, is the reason they know how to forgive & forget, be loyal, and really sacrifice (without needing to be rewarded). Signing the paper is not the marriage itself. It is evidence of the promise made to never break the physical-spiritual bond between the man and wife.
The problem is that I know too many marriages where the man was alone the whole time. He never had a wife, a helper, or any other kind of companion in his spouse. He only had a roommate that he had to pay for—and that’s before the divorces. If marriage is good for men—and I believe that it ideally is—I’ve yet to see it be so. Maybe there are still marriages like the ones you’ve described. There will be no hope for us otherwise if they’re all gone.
I’m so sorry that’s been your experience. It’s heartbreaking. I only hope to show that there are still wonderful marriages out there and love is worth believing in.
Thank you for the sympathetic words. It seems that too many these days just want to shovel blame onto people who are only trying their best in a hard and uncaring world. It says a lot that you’re willing to listen.
There absolutely are, but with the divorce rate what it is a lot of us don't want to take the chance. We can lose a lot of our money and if we have kids, we often wind up rarely seeing them and having the ex-wife get them to hate us.
I really wanted to be convinced by your article.. but the behavior and mindset your mother exemplified is simply non existent in modern women. Yes married men might live longer, have a higher net worth, blah blah blah. But what you see through the numbers and statistics is different from the lived experience of most modern men. It's not that men don't want to get married, we would rather not be divorced and used up as a resource. I'm sorry but your argument and words do very little in convincing young successful men to get hitched.
The gleeful failures of modern women (and also men) are truly infamous.
You would be surprised how many modern people in the world are exactly like men and women have always been. Unfortunately self-interest has become much more of a driving force for people but there still are people who would make any sacrifice for their loved ones.
Saw your qrt on X and came here. It warms my heart to see people still see the benefits and importance of marriage in this day and age. I'm 23 and I love marriage so much. I wouldn't say I have the best model of a good one in my parents but my I want what my aunt and my uncle have. Even better.
However, I'm scared that the phobia for marriage will only get worse amongst people of my generation. I hear and things from young people that show their lack of faith in this sacred institution.
Marriage isn't just about the couple involved. It's about forging something strong and pure, although imperfect. It's about creating, service and legacy. It's about fostering a generation that will in the long run benefit the society, if done right.
Thank you for sharing your story 💛
Aww. I’m so happy to hear that. I’m praying for your generation and I have hope for you! You worded marriage well.
Such a beautiful post that highlights that marriage provides the safety for women to pour into men in a deeply intimate way. The fruits of the spirit were just oozing from your mother. The love, peace, faith and long suffering. Men are deserving and in need of being loved in this way. Marriage like motherhood is what allows women to expand and pour into others in this way.
Most men are unlovable, unfortunately.
I'll be forthright, and I know this will be received poorly: I'm 25 and I have no faith in what 'love' allegedly is and what description that happens to entail, mostly because I have little faith in people. No, I did not have good examples growing up, and obviously not from the internet, but I take these experiences as authoritative because of just how often they're vindicated or proven right. A simple understanding and acknowledgement of sin would wipe out the vast majority of both the public and even psychology's understanding of whatever they want to convince themselves 'love' is to the point where the obsessions with The Handmaid's Tale and crying slavery would reach overdrive, but we already know that.
Trust? Faith? Love? In that I see a nightmare worse than I come up with in a year. Imagine being so close to a person when we already know the human heart is evil (Jeremiah 17:9; Matthew 15:18-18), assuming they're not just lying or totally lacking self-awareness to begin with. On a hedonistic level, I'd be better off committing suicide, but the existence of Hell prevents that.
So I, and those like me, am left at the crossroads between a replacement-level fertility crisis and having to endure the biggest, most isolating, most humanly and materially-draining burden in human history. I dreamed of love in my lesser years. Hate has a much stronger cause.
Am I wrong? I sometimes hope so. I admit that learning about all of what sums up the majority of people seriously affected me over my growing years. Scripture could be invoked to me about 'love,' but I could reply in kind with Scriptures rightly forbidding similarly inclined sins. Man is not meant to be alone? Were it not for the first 'relationship,' the Fall of Man may not have happened. Make "sex" as special as you like; it comprises so much horror, criminal behavior (and motivations thereof), and social normalization of subhumanizing standards of coolness and achievement that I don't think there's a way to rationalize it as being anything more than an enforcement of flaw onto man.
Most people would insist on me 'missing something'--I've been called mentally ill for it before and likely will be again-- but I haven't to this point gotten any answer that wasn't some meatheaded attempt at socially shaming me because "seggs = kewl" (which is basically all the public and even academia are capable of due to their crippling political hang-ups) or an answer that's entirely abstract in faith, which is technically correct but also just returns me to the fact that faith is conflicting with the practicalities of life.
If anyone who sees this can give a good counterpunch or prove me wrong, by all means do so.
Sorry but no. This was true... 15 years ago. Before the MeeToo and the current wave of feminism.
Rigth now?
Marriage means a bossy wife who obstacles your carreer. Until she divirces and destroy your whole live. Your kids. Your house. All.
I agree that men have to learn how to cape alonem but youngers generations are.
Women are drinking more than men.
Even young women are taking drugs more than men.
Men are starting to help each other. Sorry: bros before holes.
Btw: marries men live longer and have more wealth or... Men Who potentislly live longer and have more wealth marry?
It is unclear is marriage benefits males or male that are more capable also marry more.
Correlation does not mean causation.
I can't speak for others I only know that my husband married me because he wanted to live with me and he decided on that with no delay. I wouldn't have moved in with him otherwise. To my knowledge in 13 years of marriage he never regretted the decision. :-)
I believe if a man finds someone they really want to be with they marry her. Of course in a lot of cases women move in together anyway so there's no incentive anymore. Sometimes the man will marry them anyway and sometimes it takes a lot of effort from the woman.
I have read a book called Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others by John T Molloy. It was very useful for me at the time I can highly recommend it, especially if someone is in the very frustrating situation where the man they are with wouldn't hear of marriage.
Beautiful and true thoughts as usual!
My favorite line was about how the wife reminds the man (or makes him remember, even better) who he is. Sometimes it's not just who we are, but who we can be that our wives help us with.
My wife always believed I was worth more than I was paid in all my jobs, and in fact I raised and raised in several careers, also if not especially thanks to her belief in me.
Lonely men might scoff at this if they're particularly sure of themselves, but the truth is the love of a woman can only improve a man's motivation and confidence, which in turn will only bring better results in careers of all kinds, including starting a business, which will be my next step, again in big part thanks to a wife that believes in me, that will see any expense I make as investment in the future.
Of course, I sacrifice a lot, but that's honestly so easy for me. I don't understand nor approve men who count what they did for themselves VS for their woman. I don't need absolutely anything but the happiness of my family, and I don't believe myself to be special, so any men can think this way. It's another kind of investment: buying happiness, long term. As men, we shouldn't have but the most basic material needs. The rest is for building a family and a future for it.
And this purpose, this clarity, is also thanks to marriage and kids.
10 years married this year, and never stronger than now. :)
Wow what a blessing. So happy for you and your marriage :).
This is a bunch of emotional claptrap which will, if heeded, put men in a position of vulnerability to people who don’t value them. It says right in the essay that women don’t need men materially, and that means we are judging each other on our value as pure companionship. You want to be serious about this, you give men protection in the face of expropriation.
But you’re not serious. You’re manipulating, and you can do it because uterus. I’d rather die alone.
The value of marriage for women is definitely not obvious. Good luck with that one.
Marriage is still good for RELIGIOUS men. Luckily for me, I am. 26 years and counting. To a TRADITIONAL woman; one in a billion.
Young men today? Likely need a passport to find a traditional woman. It’s worth doing, gentlemen.
Feminism gave modern women the wheel, and they drove into a wall. They now typically lose their virginity at age 16, abuse drugs, alcohol, and sleep around with a parade of losers, not looking for a husband until their age 30. They even think it’s trendy now to be suffering “trauma“ and “on their healing journey.“
In other words, they’re not a fraction the lady their grandmother was. They’re loaded with debt, on anxiety and anti depression meds, and have over a decade of baggage and red flags in tow.
The problem is, their mothers didn’t teach them how to be a wife. They are often entitled, demanding, argumentative, masculine, egotistical, etc.
they talked today about “unpaid labor” as if regular adult family life should be paid for somehow.
Lastly, modern women have more loyalty to their cell phone carrier than they do to their husband. It’s even become a TikTok trend, (and women love trends), two divorce their husbands, “even if he’s the good guy.“ you’ll see armies of women on YouTube and TikTok today saying they left their family behind because they had to “pursue their happiness” which actually means in another man’s bed, dialing up casual sex on the dating apps, and leaving the church behind. The courts reward them with cash and prizes for destroying their marriages. They get custody even if they cheated or are drug abusers above a perfectly functional father who can provide a better lifestyle.
So what’s not to want? Guys see the picture clearly. Western women are (mostly) broke. Busted. Bad investment. #GetYourPassport
Straight guys are going to start to get gay married, just wait and see. If you really want companionship, support and commitment even when you're at your lowest, marry a man.
Because marriage is a bad deal for men. Don't over invest in something temporary. She will likely get bored of you.
Women also view most men as unattractive and so how likely is it that most men will get a good relationship?
You can have a girlfriend and get all of this. Signing the paper does not bring any extra value to the man
No one who thinks like that is mature enough to either reap those benefits or provide them to her, or at the very least not for long.
They usually either want you to get married or split. Women aren't stupid.
Signing the paper is just supplementary. Marriage is a covenant. The man and his wife pledge to stay together even when they want to separate. The boyfriend/girlfriend do not do the same. Marriage is a promise made with witnesses: the Pastor (who represents God's presence), the government (the paper you mentioned), your family, friends, and others. There is great value in staying together until death, and I have yet to hear of a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship in which they walk in love till the end.
I also have yet to experience this myself. I am 23. However, I have a good relationship with both of my parents, and they have been married for 27 years. They talk a lot about their marriage to me. They fought a lot, but it never drove them apart. Mom tells me that God's Word, the Holy Bible, is the reason they know how to forgive & forget, be loyal, and really sacrifice (without needing to be rewarded). Signing the paper is not the marriage itself. It is evidence of the promise made to never break the physical-spiritual bond between the man and wife.
Aww. I’m praying for you girl. You sound like an incredible one.