Why Should Men Get Married?

On loneliness, legacy, and why men still long for love

What’s the benefit for men in a marriage?

I often see this question asked on X: What’s in it for men?

And frankly, it’s fair. We’ve become a culture of convenience and selfishness. Everything is at our fingertips. From dating apps to social media to food delivery. We’re rewarded with instant dopamine. In many ways, I’m grateful for the comfort of modern life. But something essential has been lost: our capacity to sacrifice.

You see this especially in motherhood content. Giving birth, arguably the most difficult, beautiful act a woman will ever do, has been revered for generations. But because we no longer face hardship in the same way, it can feel even harder now. We’re not used to doing things that hurt.

Men, too, no longer have to build or hunt unless they choose to. Many still fantasize about being placed in a situation where they must protect a woman, go to battle for her, and save her from evil. But in a world where no one really needs saving, what becomes of that desire?

Which brings us back to the question:

What’s the benefit of marriage for a man?

And in a society where you can swipe your way into a casual hookup, or hear story after story of men losing everything in a divorce, it’s not an unreasonable question.

I could talk endlessly about how much I love marriage. But today, that kind of talk can come off as revolting, or worse, insincere. At least that’s what I’m told on X. Still, I am a woman. And what young girl didn’t long for “happily ever after?” Of course I love marriage.

But the reality is this:

Women no longer need a man’s money or resources the way we once did.

We can make our own money. We can raise children alone. We can buy the house, the handbag, and the stroller with a swipe of a credit card or a click of a button.

So when both sexes can enjoy the perks without commitment, why would they choose each other at all?

Maybe one day I’ll write about the value of marriage for women. But that’s more obvious. Today, I want to talk about men. Because they’re the ones asking.

There’s a male loneliness epidemic.

Depression and suicide rates are significantly higher in men. Yes, women are lonely too, but we tend to patch that loneliness with friendships, sisterhood, and community. We go shopping. We call our moms. We volunteer. We watch a comforting television show. I don’t think loneliness hits women as quickly as it hits young men.

In Genesis it says, “It is not good for the man to be alone.”

That is why woman was created. And that is why male loneliness feels more existential. Men were not meant to be alone.

I think that’s why, so often, you see men remarry after losing their wives, while women, like Steve Irwin’s widow, spend the rest of their days loving him, missing him, and never moving on.

Women turn houses into homes.

We all know the “bitter old man” trope. But we forget the role of the woman who brings joy to the mundane. The one who “does him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” A good woman anchors a man and inspires him into something greater.

I could rattle off statistics:

• Married men live longer.

• They have higher net worths.

• Lower rates of cancer, stroke, and heart disease.

• A good marriage is the best gift a man can give his children. Etc

But “feelings don’t care about your facts” as they say.

So instead, I’ll tell you a story. One from my own life.

About two people who’ve been married for over 35 years. My parents.

My dad was in a car accident almost a year ago.

He spent three weeks in a coma. During that time, the only things he could hear, if he heard anything at all, were my little brother whispering, “Fight, Dad,” and the Braveheart score playing softly from my phone.

My mom never left his side. Not once. She slept upright in a hospital chair, holding his hand. She didn’t go home. She didn’t take a “Starbucks break.” She stayed with my dad.

People say women marry for protection, for resources, for provision.

But what happens when the man can no longer provide? When he can’t speak, can’t walk, can’t open his eyes?

That’s when you see what a marriage is.

My brothers and my husband lifted his body when he couldn’t lift himself. I figured out how to pay his credit card so his credit wouldn’t be dinged. I cooked meals at home and my brother’s boss treated our family to meals at restaurants. Friends sent gifts to my parents’ home. My kids brought youthful energy and joy.

My mom was his rock, his reason. Once he came back to us, he didn’t want anyone but her near him. And she never once complained. She was just grateful he was alive.

They say love is willing the good of the other.

But for a man? A good woman is more than rubies. She reminds you who you are when you forget. She stands by you in sickness and in health. When there’s only the sound of hospital machines and a heartbeat she’s praying won’t stop.

In the East, men were the warriors and women the healers.

In the West, men held the power and women had grace.

But in every culture, the deepest truth is the same:

A good woman brings you back to life and gives you children and grandchildren who adore you, who drop everything to be by your side when it matters most.

Marriage was never meant to be a mere government contract. It’s a sacrament as well. That’s why even the best artists and poets have never been able to reduce love to language. It defies logic, and still, we long for it.

You can’t measure the true benefits of marriage. You can only live them.

In the words of St. Gregory, the Great, “A virtuous wife, by her faith and good deeds, becomes the heart of the home, weaving love and holiness into every act, and her influence sanctifies those around her.”

You can only become as virtuous as possible and pray that what you attract mirrors what you’ve become.